Grandpa

On April 12th, my grandpa passed away, peacefully in his sleep.  We knew that the end was near, but it still makes it hard to say goodbye to someone that you have loved dearly. 

A few days before he passed away, he whispered to my dad, telling him that he had "had a good life."  I remind myself of this everytime I start to feel a little sad for him because he left with no regrets ... and we have none either. 

Grandpa holding Samantha:



Grandpa holding Sophia:

Four generations, out in the orchard:

********************

A week ago, when the loss was so recent for me, I somehow found the strength to help answer all of Samantha's questions. She understands (more than I thought a 4-year old would ever grasp) about the fact that great-grandpa is gone now and that while his body is in ashes, his spirit is in Heaven with Jesus. I am so proud of her and how respectful she has been during this difficult time.

Grandpa's memorial service was today, and we were so thrilled at the outpouring of love and support from so many people (family, friends and long-time customers from the orchard).  Several of us chose to read a tribute to him and share at the service.  This was mine:

My Grandpa, Albert James Koan, Jr.

(June 12, 1923 – April 12, 2013)

One of my favorite pictures of Grandpa is in a frame in my bedroom. It’s so special to me that I made absolutely sure that it would go on one of these poster boards for his memorial. In the picture, he’s leaning up against a wooden post at the orchard, sporting his usual “uniform” – boots, suspenders and jeans – and he’s watching in the background as my sister and I prepared for our first day of school. We were waiting for the bus to pick me up for kindergarten; Michele would later get a ride to preschool.

All through elementary and high school, the same school bus would pick us up and drop us off at the orchard. I would spend many afternoons at Grandma and Grandpa’s house, drawing on their chalkboard, playing “school” and doing my homework. Grandpa loved to ask me about my day – what I had learned and when my next big test would be. And I loved telling him all about it.

When I went off to college and my visits weren’t as frequent as they used to be, Grandpa never missed an opportunity to still inquire about the same things … what I was learning and now what my plans were for the future. His blue eyes almost twinkled every time I told him how much I was learning and how I couldn’t seem to get enough education.

After my undergraduate studies were complete, with a diploma in hand, I decided to continue my “learning” in graduate school. Less than four years later, I had gone as far as I possibly could in the educational world. I now had my doctorate, and Grandpa couldn’t seem to tell me enough how proud he was of me.

Sadly, I believed that this also meant that Grandpa was done, after all these years, of asking me about school. After all, what more would there be to inquire about? My formal learning was done.

But I was wrong. Because I went to graduate school so that I could receive my PhD, thus allowing me to teach at the college or university level. Deep inside, I yearned to bestow this same love of learning that I had on as many other impressionable students as I could. I hoped that some of them would come to love learning and realize all of the doors that it could open for one’s future. I get an opportunity to do that on a regular basis now.

And so it started again. My visits with Grandpa were filled with questions about my teaching – what classes I taught, how often and whether or not my students were passing my courses.

The bond was still there.

*****

A couple of weeks before Grandpa passed away, I made a point to take my girls to visit him. We knew that the end was nearing and I wanted to be sure that they each got an opportunity to see him before he became really sick. It was a visit that I will never forget.

The girls carried on a complete conversation with him that morning. Sophia mostly talked about how she “is two now” and how she uses the “big girl potty.” But Samantha’s part of the conversation centered around school. Yes, Grandpa was back at it again. He asked her all sorts of questions about her preschool and her upcoming kindergarten plans. But most importantly, he asked her about what she was learning. That unmistakable twinkle was back in his eyes (if only for a moment) as Samantha was was just as happy to answer that question as I had been for so many years.

*****

What is most noteworthy to me through all of this is how much value Grandpa placed on learning and gaining knowledge. Lacking any formal education himself beyond the 9th grade, he later came to realize the value of it -- encouraging us and taking extreme pride in the accomplishments of his descendents. This is part of the legacy that he is leaving behind for us, and I am so proud to have shared in his dream.